Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
