Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
