oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Soap is not a condiment
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
