I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
