I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
