Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
