Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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