i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
