Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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