id be glad to
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
