you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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