"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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