life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
