do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
