There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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