At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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