i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
