I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
