May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
