dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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