i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
