i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
