I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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