How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
