she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
