Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just want to make out with him forever
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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