I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
