he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
