I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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