we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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