We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
