I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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