she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
