we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
