.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
