A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
