Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
