My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
