He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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