Ambien. No doubt about it.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
