dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
