Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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