He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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