I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
