We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
