I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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