I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
