I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
