Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
