guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
