Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
