I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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