So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
