can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
