He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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