Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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