I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
