His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
